“I am afraid, indeed you have cancer”! These are the seven words that hit me on Friday December 21st 2018. My heart sank. My head was spinning, my heart racing, my chest pounding. I did not cry. My body was shaking! I was in shock, the words kept ringing through my ears! Those words hit like a ton of bricks. The words are as clear today as they were when I first heard them.

Putting the feelings the moment you learn of your cancer diagnosis into words is something I am not sure I will ever have the ability to do. For three hours I sat feeling like I had just received a death sentence. The thoughts racing through my head were relentless. I sat thinking I that was my end! I would not get to see my baby grow old. I cried out to God for help.


On that fateful day, I had guests at home, a distraction at the moment, I guess! It took away my focus from the death sentence I was sure I had just been given for a few moments. I couldn’t let anyone know what I just found out, much less see me breakdown. I was in unbearable pain, scared and in tears but I had to hide that pain and push through, and so I did. I was numb for days, I would cry myself to sleep almost every night. I felt helpless and hopeless. I had just been diagnosed with breast cancer at the prime of my life.