Diagnosis

“I am afraid, indeed you have cancer”! These are the seven words that hit me on Friday December 21st 2018. My heart sank. My head was spinning, my heart racing, my chest pounding. I did not cry. My body was shaking! I was in shock, the words kept ringing through my ears! Those words hit like a ton of bricks. The words are as clear today as they were when I first heard them.

Putting the feelings the moment you learn of your cancer diagnosis into words is something I am not sure I will ever have the ability to do. For three hours I sat feeling like I had just received a death sentence. The thoughts racing through my head were relentless. I sat thinking I that was my end! I would not get to see my baby grow old. I cried out to God for help.

 

On that fateful day, I had guests at home, a distraction at the moment, I guess! It took away my focus from the death sentence I was sure I had just been given for a few moments. I couldn’t let anyone know what I just found out, much less see me breakdown. I was in unbearable pain, scared and in tears but I had to hide that pain and push through, and so I did. I was numb for days, I would cry myself to sleep almost every night. I felt helpless and hopeless. I had just been diagnosed with breast cancer at the prime of my life.